Or I've noticed, they're expert at distracting themselves.

I have been scrutinizing where I put my energy and focus. I have been withdrawing from habits that do not really serve me anymore. I have been distancing myself from people who aren't really joining me on this expedition. That's okay. I have had a lot of people in my life. Everyone comes and goes.

I am preparing for the launch of my show. I have been spending a lot of money on it. I am already learning a great deal. After this, I already know what to do about honing my focus even further.

My show opens on the 13th. This is my official debut. It's a solo show. I am blessed. Indeed, what luck have I to be contacted on Instagram and invited to show for three weeks. And this was offered to me even after I confessed that I had zero work. Just a vision.

Again, I am reminded I possess many gifts. I am charming. I'm good at getting people to believe in me. There are many people who have so much more than me, as detailed in the first paragraph. But I never see them do what I achieve.

I am lucky my self-esteem is so low. It forces me to search outside myself for approval. I feel like I'm always shouting. But I get noticed. I get rewarded. I make myself exist.

I am lucky I suffered so thoroughly. I remember almost constant pain for ten years. I know how to live well now.

I'm doing really fucking good. You know, I sometimes wonder if I'm a sociopath. I enjoy exceeding my own expectations. I enjoy leaving people behind. I enjoy dismissing that which doesn't serve me. I enjoy going for what I want and being rewarded for it.

I'm going to have my show. I am proud of myself because I do things. I don't talk about doing things. I'm the real deal.