Okay, I don't suck, as I thought for a second last week. Just having my half-finished painting up crooked, inaccurate, and half-assed amongst all those other callow pieces made me feel bad. But I succeeded to the best of my ability busting my ass and learning a new level of technical ability by finishing it.

Soo here I am painting a portrait of Will from a photograph following rules. First, lay in two tones, one shadow one light. Next, add subtle darks and subtle lights. After that, spend arduous hours refining refining refining until you go crazy (like right now). Once ardous lifetime is spent on single painting and completed, next painting will be easier.

I just can't wait until I'm a certified master. Until applying paint will be effortless and fun. UNTIL I'M SO GOOD IT MAKES PEOPLE GASP.

Then I can be that fresh breath of air. I can not tolerate the art of today. It is so dull, plain, insensitive, stupid, and entirely uninventive. I hate pretty much all of it. Especially portrait painters. No one is going that extra mile. Except for Mark Ryden whose art is incredible.

I NEED TO SHAKE THINGS UP. You don't know the agony I feel everyday as a novice. It frustrates me to be callow when I know there is a gift just waiting to be freed. But in due time.....I have much more to learn. THEN I'll be able to rock my socks.

Until then, I'm working hard. I'm so grateful I have the opportunity to study what I love. It is my life.

I just know I'll achieve every goal I have. Patience patience...