I just love running into a reflection and liking the image.

It just feels so good to see everything in place. Yes, the hair is in order. Yes, my skin is clear. Yes, my smile is charming. Yes, I have a cute body.

It's so empowering to see a man take a double-take.

It's like when a man smiles at me and enjoys my company. I have this romantic image of the camera shooting my mug as I beam and the movie-going audience melting.

It's just something I aspired to be: awesome.

There was that time I was bored while watching "Casablanca" and there was that close-up of Ingrid Bergman. I didn't understand the hype until then: she really took my breath away.

In that there was an element of power that I wanted for myself.

I used to feel so ugly and powerless. I was chunky and had braces and I wore stupid t-shirts. I cut my hair with a flow-be and never washed my face.

Then I lost all that weight and got a cute hair-cut and got used to preening in the mirror.

I wrote in my diary that I wanted every man to want to fuck me.

I turned 21 and I got it. I waltzed into that bar and really took the stage--at least it seemed like that in my dream-world.

It felt so good to have all these men flank me. I felt like Madonna in the Material Girl video. Guys were buying me drinks left and right, talking to me about bullshit, offering sex wherever I wanted, and so on.

I was just so open to it then and it was fun.

Sometimes I feel like I'm limiting my experience by always staying inside and being a housewife.

Sometimes I feel guilty for wearing sloppy clothes.

I try to tell myself now that I'm really just normal but there's no fun in that at all.

I like to feel like a Porn Star.