Learning how to let go.....the same way people who smoke pot let go, but without the pot. My new motto is: "Life wins", so give up. The strain amounts from the fight. I'll always lose. Also, when I'm up at night thinking instead of sleeping, I'm catching myself and forcing deep breaths in order to pass out.

But I digress. The curator visit was awesome. So supportive, so interesting, so appreciative. She's a baby curator so it was good practice. A totally different energy from artists, who are bitchy and competitive and ugly people.

Went to the Marilyn Minter retrospective. It was so inspiring. I realize all I have to do is make work as if I were showing solo shows/museum shows regularly. If it turns out to be true, then hooray for me. If not, who cares. With all the posturing, elitist nepotism, and gangs in the art world, it's not like most of it matters anyway. I mean, I would love to be recognized for what I do, but the most important thing is to produce as authentically as possible.

I've decided I'm going to do what I can to avoid making art for an art gallery. Because I realize the whole point in having a gallery is to say you have a gallery. The real work is up to the artist. It is the artist who steers their career, gets the hookup, gets places, makes money, etc. So in the event I get a gallery, it's important not to forget that galleries don't do anything, except maybe sell a couple things. The artist has to do everything.

It's about making art and not allowing it to be reduced to a cheap object for a bunch of hucksters to distribute. It's about taking care of my needs and contributing to society.

It's also about getting as many people with agency, or soon-to-be agency, in my studio as possible.

I am so glad I know what I know. I feel freer then ever.