For one, during the slow period, my activity in the studio was very regular. My train of thought remained uninterrupted. It kept growing, expanding, getting stronger with time. But then I had to make money so I did. Gigs are unstable work. But so are jobs, when I think about it.

The point is, how can I transition out of working for others, and concentrate on being an artist? Just saying it sounds insane, but people do it. They make art, they have careers, and they grow. The more they operate, the bigger it gets. But you have to start.

I need to finish a few things so I can start applying for grants. That's a source of income. I need at least 15 images of work and a sound project outline. In addition to grants, I need to start cold-calling galleries and looking for a space. While I look for a space I can market my work. I have to start somewhere and get at least one person interested.

It's so hard. I often feel the walls closing in. I'm getting older. People don't take me seriously as an artist when I'm constantly working for others. You can't win.

Wondering when this agonizing process will relent. It is barely enjoyable.