2016-03-17


Studio notes:

I've been thinking a lot about this discussion of white privilege as it affects me personally. When I talk about it with my boyfriend, he certifies there is in fact white privilege. When I talked about it with my closest friend Sara, she seemed to refute it as more of a concept. Either case, I personally feel it exists. And truthfully, it is very interesting to think about what that means, even if it raises troubling questions about my idea of myself and what I've done in my life.

The biggest, unanswerable question has to do with what was earned vs what was given. My friend Sara attests she has not been impeded by her being Asian. Jensen, however, does. It is an abstract feeling, but I feel, and I've felt for many years, an awareness around the treatment I receive and the treatment my peers receive (if they aren't white). With that said, I do feel it has been easy enough for me to navigate life, even if at times it feels like a roller coaster. Indeed, I have thought a lot about "what luck" I tend to have in life. This is not to discredit my own merits and hard work, but I do believe this "luck" is actually informed by systemic approval of my existence as a white man.

Yes, I am affable, polite, non-threatening, and easy-going. I dress like a man. I identify as a man. I do not push buttons. Plus, I have lived in major cities. Gay men are old news in major cities.

Anyway, these questions can never actually be answered or measured, but their suggestions can be believed. Especially after my experience working in a coffee shop with a staff with no majority race. I am absolutely convinced that racism was at play when the same costumers would smile at me then behave opposite to my coworkers who weren't white guys.

Additionally, being in the art world has been a bit disturbing to my sense of racial equality. Same with living in a hip neighborhood in Los Angeles. I feel like it actually means something that the demographic for both is almost completely white. This is not some biological happenstance. I think about my studio assistant work from last year. Why were all of us white?

My new body of work doesn't explicitly spell out these questions. I am wondering if my esoteric symbols needed to be rendered in a clearer fashion. My white peers will not like it, I already know this. As I am aware I am not a sellable artist, I certainly can explore such themes. I feel like I should.

Another concern is insensitivity, or worse, insincerity. So I'll try to have as many studio visits as possible to process these ideas and bring them out.

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