But I feel like I don't want to prove how cool I am. But sitting placidly is not how I arrived at where I'm at.

Again, I must re-iterate the rapid, eye-popping achievements of the manifestation of all my short term goals, all within months, when I first moved to Los Angeles in September of 2013.

I succeeded because I was hungry to succeed. Now that I've succeeded, I'm kind of just sitting around now….

When I first moved to LA I was nettled at the absolute boredom of everyone interesting I met. Surrounding, people with enviable jobs, rolling their eyes in absolute boredom. I can half-relate.

And of course it is 2015. I stayed in my studio last night and worked on my art. I lost myself in it but checked out at 11:00 PM. My art studio is located in a giant warehouse. The back of the warehouse acts as a party space, where a New Years eve event was taking place. I exited my studio, walked down the corridor, and witnessed the spectacle of happy, dressed up hipster girls. Nope, still didn't feel it.

My boyfriend was at a separate event with his friends, getting sloshed. I wanted to kiss him, but I decided it is dangerous to be with him when he drinks. When I am with him when he's drunk, I am massively turned off. He knows this, and I encouraged him to enjoy himself with his friends. But I would be lying to myself if I said it didn't bother me. It's amazing what people will forego for a lot of self-poisoning.

But this is not supposed to be anti-alcohol tangent. It relates to the topic of complacency. Am I complacent with my boyfriend? Is it okay with me that he has to poison himself with tons of alcohol, even if it's only "once in a while?" It's not really that okay with me…I guess he was in a hard place. His friend from out of town is visiting. His friends and him have always done this. I'm the intruder in this social scene. They have seniority.

So that's where this topic went: my bitterness.

Well here's to a new year. So let's set a sort of malleable goal. I would like to kink my life a bit upwards with an interesting adventure--the healthy kind. Perhaps a new job. Perhaps a trip. Perhaps a new apartment.

I'll be fine. Just feeling a bit stagnant.