Well, in any event I ought to re-program the pattern of highs and lows of my life: perhaps an addiction, on my part, of extreme living conditions.

As usual, the government is taking every dime to my name. No longer surprised, just impatient. When you are back to month to month, more than money is on your mind.

In addition to purchasing, you think about the way you spend your time, with whom, in what capacity. You think about how you spend your life.

Thus, the great re-assessment of my current position:

I have reached a financial apex in my field of work: art assistance. What is next? Although it offers me a livable income, I must consider my future needs. I am happy with my income today, but I won't be in two years.

I moved to LA with an agenda. My short term goal was to be an art assistant. I have achieved this. I made money, and still do, but now my savings is nil.

What is my next step? Where do I go from here? The only place to go is my own work. And I must make work that sells. I'm a smart guy, and I've learned a great deal about the art market. I have a good understanding of what kind of work makes the big bucks: how to be a real artist, make a killer living, and not sell your soul with bad, but salable art. Luckily for me, there is a market for "weird" art. The weirder, the better.

But it's not as simple as saying, "I'm an artist". There are steps one must take. For one, one must manifest the work. That I'll do. In order to do so, my funds must be delegated to this. Gone are the evenings in restaurants and bars. Time to re-focus.

Additionally, I must clean up my act. No more drinking, no more restaurants. No more empty social exchanges with friends of friends. That has never worked for me.

As usual, what works for me is obsessing over art. I only commune with other artists, or art world satellites. I only spend time in art venues. I do not belong elsewhere. This is my tribe, this is my environment.

If I'm going to exist in pain on this planet, I am going to do what works. I am no longer deviating or apologizing in any capacity for my focus. Absolutely no one can do for me what I've proven to do so effectively for myself.

I thought I was focused before. But after this IRS calamity, I'm not fucking around anymore. This is a wake up call.