|
Part of my survival has been forcing a vainglorious outlook. I think I've convinced myself. I've painted four self-portraits since February. It has also helped me understand ugliness in others. I think it is time to calm down. I am up and down about hurrying to get into a gallery because I know when I die it won't matter. Out of 16 pieces I've started since February, all but 6 have been painted over. This is liberating. It is a feat to admit to myself when a painting is weak, or I've lost a connection. I understand and accept that some pieces are building blocks to powerful work. I think what I've done is pretty powerful. My new barometer for success is when people say "wow". I understand what people think isn't everything. But popular approval is certainly something. Okay, so I'm pop. I enjoy marveling people. I want to move people. I want to elicit in others what I felt when I looked at a portrait by Klimt. My connection to painting is constantly accompanied by zeal. It is rock and roll, like a good concert. It is elevating. This is why I want to be known. I want to be a rock star. I also understand how meaningless it is. At the end of the day, I understand what matters. I guess that's why it makes it so easy to exist.
< > |