2011-04-14


Well, it happens that I'm going crazy. Essentially the evidence is in hearing people's thoughts without them uttering it. Literally, I heard my husband call me "mean", and when I retorted "I'm not mean", he said, "I didn't say anything. But it's weird because I thought it". I didn't understand. "You're fibbing" I accused. Three times more I accused him. "No", he said, "I didn't say anything. I thought it".

GREAT!

In all honesty, if this is valid, I imagine it's a very useful tool. I don't believe it 100%, but if it is true, I will definitely use it to my advantage.

I am under a great deal of stress. I rationally know my insecurities are false. They are a part of me, however, and insecurities I am using as fuel to do. I am not a complacent artist. I am challenged on purpose. I acknowledge my limitations, my concerns, and my lack. I am sad/worried/unhappy/ and frustrated. I can resolve everything.

Proactively, as I mentioned earlier, I am doing more art-related things. I have begun the process of professionally photographing my work. I am doing this for a portfolio to sell to galleries. This year I have three shows, including a watercolor exhibit in which I am partaking. My friend wants a show with me in September. I guess I have something in LA in December.

I am not satisfied with painting "here and there". I am implementing a schedule of twice a week, even though five is necessary. I have money to make, however. It's a pain in the ass. I know with enough focus I can make money on art. But I need it now, so I have to work on bogus jobs in the meantime. I feel like Madonna in a doughnut shop.

I am the great American painter. I have to do everything myself.

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