Or at least I believe that story about her working at one before she was famous. True or not, it illustrates a feeling I currently embody: The feeling of being an artist who knows there is hope.

I understand the term "throwing in the towel", because one literally wants to throw the cleaning rag down from the job they despise.

It is true I meditate on this and have fantasies of leaving this life for a new one. One can feel unfulfilled for only so long.

If anything, I have grown impatient with myself for always pretending to have dignity, work-ethic, and committment for things I don't care about. I do it because I want to keep on making money. But it's never satisfying, or worth my time. And I'm always underpaid.

I know what makes me happy. To actually pursue it completely means someone I quite don't get.