I know that I want to paint more in order to show more in order to sell more. My business model is based on the quarter percentage I usually sell per show. The idea is that if I show more frequently I'll multiply my sales. It is a win-win for me: Painting more means painting better, and being better known.

I've established I'm a painter who wants to make a living off of it. Because I'm a figurative painter who changes the look and works cathartically, it is true I have a bigger challenge, but one that is do-able. John Currin paints unattractive women with fruit and is able to live in New York and support a family.

My paintings are magical, colorful, profound, and melancholy. I have an audience somewhere.

I keep picturing myself in ideal circumstances. I have had one specific image for a few years of me looking over my shoulder in a gallery in Chelsea, surrounded by paintings I've made, with bustling art-going crowds surrounding me.

It is true I want everything. I was told I could have my cake and eat it too. I am talented, driven, beautiful, and committed to doing for myself what is healthiest.

That is why tomarrow at my opening I'll be my most beautiful. I know how to live beautifully.