Basically, I have all this drama in my life and I want to blame Will, my husband, for everything. But as his mom says about drama queens "You seem to be the determinate factor in all of your drama".

My unwillingness to say no is the problem. My absorption of injurious projections is the problem. I am improving my screening, however, and speaking out more. It is not quick enough, of course.

Now granted, I've been traumatized, as I've rattled the reasons in so many past entries. The stress has been great, the depression insidious. When I am depressed, I covet the fact, and disguise it as growth, and use it in everyday life. For example, I call numbness stalwart. I call being shut down masculine.

With lack of off time, I understand what I value: painting of course, fitness, dogs, and gardening. On my day off, I jacked off, painted for three hours, tilled a plot and sowed wildflowers, and wrestled with my dogs.