Actually, I wouldn't take it that far but I am having fun.

As an artist, I am going through a rapid absorption of knowledge. I am sucking up facts on fabric, flowers, tea, dye, and other beautiful things. It seems I'm procuring informatiton for later subject matter. As a painter, it takes many years for one to actually paint work of merit. I'm just building the foundation.

Just building! I walked into a store the other day, saw an elaborate tassel arrangement, and knew it was called "axminster". Suddenly I began seeing axminster everywhere for the first time.

The same goes for the Ranunculus flower. I had never heard of such a thing and now I see it everywhere. As with learning anything, it makes one realize that these things did not exist before. It makes me ask, "What else am I ignorant to?"

But life has so much in it and it's truly overwhelming! The goal, ultimately, is to apply all this beautiful knowledge to my art.

I want someday, for instance, to apply the Ranunculus flower to a painting as a symbol of something beautiful but lethally toxic. That, I believe, is the point of this procuring of knowledge.

Also, I'm so relieved to not be surrounded by death and suffering I'm sucking up everything that's breathing and alive.

With my newly taut body, great health, very striking appearance and excellent personality, I am simply rejoicing in my luck. Life really is good and I want to relish it.

Every night, just about, I still lie in bed and think about Renata and her fate. More than anything, I would have done anything to feel this good with her. But obviously, things will never be that good again.

In spite of it, I do feel incredible and can't wait to see life unfold. I am enjoying aging, being married, and living in the city. I have a beautiful husband, two adorable dogs, plants everywhere, and relics of art surrounding me. I don't make too much money but I'm painting, creating, and full of abundance.

I feel wealthier than I've ever felt.