But I suppose it's been building for months.

I cracked the other week in a gallery. I raised my voice and was rude and exceptionally bitchy.

But I guess you would be too if your best friend was suddenly killed--someone who I obviously needed for a lot of my happiness.

The thing is I have to learn to have more happiness in my core--it can't rely on anything outside of me.

I needed her in many ways. I learned to depend on her to listen to my thoughts. I grew dependent on her for a quick laugh. In general, she made me feel great and I was addicted to it.

But all of that is over. The shock of it paralyzed me, threw me in a tantrum, and swirled me up and spit me out. Life without her wasn't fun.

But I know a lot better than that. I know that life isn't about drama. I know that my life isn't over.

But that time in my life is over. I'm alive still and very healthy. All I can do is move on and give up. The only thing I can control is myself. And the most important part of that is feeling fine.