Fortunately, I have my art. I am proud of my art. I have always been good at it and always successful. That I am not uncertain about.

I know that as long as I get to make art I'll be happy.

Still, I fantasize every day about being brilliant in Manhattan. Maybe it's a boy's dream and everyone else's but still I desire it intensely. Whenever I wear boots I imagine them clacking the streets of Manhattan. I imagine having somewhere to go--an important business meeting or a gallery to show in.

Maybe it's unwise but who knows? At least I'll be able to say I gave it a shot, if anything.

When it comes down to it, I don't give a shit about others. I don't give a shit about clubs or anything "cool" or having a bevy of friends. What I do give a shit about is art and I want other people to see it. Not only do I want them to see it, I want it to catapult in some kind of strasophere of brilliance. I imagine magazine covers and posters that feauture my art--sort of like how Nagel's art was. It was stylish and sexy and everywhere. That's what I want for my art. I want it EVERYWHERE.

Making art is very religious for me. It's spiritual. I am a vehicle for something much larger than me and I love it. It's important I paint full-time at some point. I want the exposure and income that makes it all possible.

Wherever I end up in the future, as long as I get to make art I'll be fine.