2006-12-23


In my life, relationships are built on love, not guilt.

I don't pity anyone.

But with Christmas being celebrated now by my family and my not being there, I have guilt. My option is to go there out of guilt and I won't.

Guilt is not the way to form a relationship. You go to visit someone cause you want to.

I've had a lot of guilt on the subject. Trying independence in segments away from my family has been difficult. Spending too much time with them is damaging, however, and counter productive.

To me, they are not success stories. They all hate each other. They all fight over money. They all lie to each other. And they're fat and uncomfortable. The way they live life is anathama to me.

It has been my aim in life to live healthily, progressively, productively, and happily. One thing that hinders this happiness is filial contact.
-----------------

All year I have struggled with this feeling of not being respected as a painter.

The truth of the matter is I haven't set boundaries for my process and devotion.

As a consequence, paintings I started in February are still not complete.

Instead, I have put myself through panic and irritance and not having enough time to my process.

It is all me and it is my responsibility to get my work done.
----------------------------

One thing I can't stand is kvetching. I locate the cause of kvetching and replace it with something I want.

That way I'm not bitching all the time.

It works.

< >




Newest Older Profile Sign Host Design
# Gay Diary ?