Pretty much all the role models I had engaged in some self-desecrating activity.

Well, it's a miracle how well I've managed my body. Sure, I have anorexic tendancies and lost a whole organ because of it (we deal with pain somehow), but I never did drugs nor was I sexually addicted. I drank every weekend for 6 months. That's the most substance-abuse I've inflicted.

I'm surrounded by addicts and it's painful. To watch how others squelch their pain is only a reminder of how I squelch mine.

This is why I'm learning to speak, I'm going to a counselor, and harvesting friendships with people who take care of themselves.

I want to respect myself more. Whatever damaging habit I engage in will cease. It is important I keep my head clear. Eqaunimity is imperative to my art. I don't believe in that tortured artist crap. One can make perfectly perfect art while happy.