Suffice to say, it woke something dormant in me--that excitement in being objectified.

When I went up to meet with him, I waited by myself in a cafe. The blond who works there was checking me out--as he always does--and I really felt like a pimp. Then came the boy and I felt like a bigger pimp.

I suddenly wanted to have sex. And I could have easily requested it.

I have no guilt but when he asked me who I went to Pasadena with, I reddened with fear. "Uh...uh...my friend..." I lied. I just didn't want to ruin my value in case he's uptight like that.

So now that I've justified cheating I've found it very difficult to find any support. So I keep it to myself.

But it's such an exciting thing that I'm experiencing. It's redefining my notions on life. As a consequence, I seem to have all these forces againt me. My nightmares have multiplied. People give me dirty looks.

It's all very energetic and I feel like I'm breaking through to something. I feel more confident, fearless, and in-control of my emotions. Plus, it's awakening my sexual core--the fruit that I thrive on.

Does anybody relate?