I roll over slightly on the bed staring blankly at the dotted screen. I yawn in utter apathy.

"MINERALS PILLAGED FROM CALIFORNIA FARMS! GOVERNMENT TAKES OVER! FARMERS HAVE NO SAY!"

I twist my finger around my nostril and whipe the slime on the sheets.

"WHAT DOES PARIS HILTON HAVE TO DO WITH GAVIN NEWSOM?! NEXT ON THE 11 O'CLOCK NEWS!!

Suddenly I am woken with a jolt of total excitement. I jump in utter joy with all attention on the screen. My eyes caress lovingly the image of Paris Hilton giggling on her cell-phone.

It is then that I realize how heartless I am.