So I cringe because I hate those stuffy places but I gulp and imagine all those frothy fishy dishes. My mouth begins to water.

But the diva is unkempt! So, like Audrey Hepburn or some other beauty queen, I clean myself and preen. Nice and keen with little luxuries like body polish. Fancy soft shampoo. My, I'm going to be lovely tonight.

Spend about two hours building the foundation for a flawless appearance. I brush my teeth, I shave, and I even clean my nasal tract. Everything is moisturized and my chest is bald. A diva has been born.

Spend about another hour dancing in the mirror. It's been awhile since I've done this. It's exciting. Watching me unravel from a housewife to a stunna!

Everything is set: My boots are polished, my clothes are perfect (stylish, sexy, and sleek the way I like it), and I'm ready for my closeup.

And then the phone jingles. It's him. The dinner has been canceled.

So I strip off all my clothes and I sigh at my reflection. 'I am so relieved' I think.