Of course, now, it makes me look uncompromising and brazen, but I just won't apologize for not being something I'm not.

So now I have all these crazy clothes I bought to "bring me out of my shell". Now I've worn the crazy hairstyles that were designed to "open me up".

What I didn't know was that I didn't have to do anything.

With my conservative clothes and conservative hairstyle I'm perfect. In fact, I get MORE attention now.

I don't need to be wild to be loved. I don't need to be anything.

It's funny, I used to think there was something wrong with me for being quiet--that I wasn't "getting out there". I used to think it was a sin that I couldn't just dance uninebriated or dance on the tables or be Paris Hilton.

I used to think I was a bad person because I didn't wear a loud smile and have a loud laugh and wear loud clothes and be loud.

I tried to be all those things and it was forced. Now I'm just so over the effort of TRYING all the time that I'm not willing to do a thing that involves any struggle.

I won't succumb to the dangerous world of constant self-mutilation. I'm sick of beating myself up for not living up to this unnatural standard I set for myself.

I'm fine as is and I'm believing that now.