Will works in the city (SF) in the heart of wealth where everyone's wearing Prada and Gucci and driving Mercedes'. People cut you off on the road with smiles on their faces. People plow you in their heels. People don't even see you unless you look important.

So I can either let this annoy me, or challenge me.

I want to be like them, but better.

And yes, like Marilyn Monroe, "I just want to be wonderful", but I also want to be formidable.

I want to be untouchable and respectable and wonderful like Madonna--Sexy, intelligent, driven, and powerful.

I can smile bright and be sexy, but I can also kick your ass.

Will is teaching me the art of verbal jousting.

In his world, people patronize each other--an art of subtle put-downs and condescension--something I never noticed before.

And yes, my beautiful world is rusting--but it's called enlightenment. It can still be beautiful, I just have to make it that way, on MY TERMS.

When I return to my "home-town" of snot-nosed punks and grimacing bitches, I'm still in the mind-set of a business man (like in the city). My reaction? Venomous discharge....but I hardly expell it. I'm learning quickly how to not be afraid of my voice.

Will is teaching me how to be a powerful person--how to be a bitch AND America's Sweetheart.

It's the power game--how to be on top and live your life.

It's about not letting others 'get' you. It's basically about being Lil' Kim.

She is an idol for this very reason--adorable, yet respectable--and so on top of her shit it's formidable.

I will have the world at my feet in due time...I will be a fucking star.

God bless my beautiful ass.