2003-07-01


The real thing. The real thing, he keeps on saying.

And my god it seems so ridiculous. I've never had a man so enamored with me.

5 hour phone calls every day. Volleys of compliments. Pining, pining.

And you know I love it. You know I deserve it.

But I'm not stupid. I'm prudent with my boys. But I'm also not removed from total enjoyment.

And this is rather intense. The sex is so intense. I lost my virginity the other night and it was so empassioned I swear we resembled the covers of all those cheesy romance novels.

With him completely inside me, we stared through each other. Still as a photograph. For minutes it seemed. It was so intense. And it didn't even hurt. It was really remarkably trippy.

Everything is so sudden but I've maintained my foundation. I recognize that this is fresh and potentially fallible. But for the moment why not adore it?

Well I do, goddamnit. And it's about fucking time. I've had one too many downs this year. I need to be happy.

And if it only lasts this week, so be it. I'm used to my life getting spoiled and going nowhere.

But this is very nice indeed. Right now it's perfect.

Let's keep our fingers crossed.

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