2003-01-04


I was molested by a man who resembled a ferret. He came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my chest, groped around, and told me he had followed me. The clincher came when he whispered in my ear, "Now I have you...". I broke his hold and flounced to faced him. Before me was a man with beady eyes, a weasel smile, and hair on end like a frightened opossum.

But before I could bolt I was flung to the dance floor. There, he swung his head from the floor to my face in a pendulous arc. This was designed to seduce me but instead it was funny. Fearing the safety of my face, I vanished.

Later on I saw him sprinting through the crowds. He was after me with outstretched arms and tried to grab my balls. It was alarming. The crowd bellowed a resounding reproach and he staggered away.

Then on New Years I danced for two hours straight to 80's wonders. It was bliss but I met no boys. Consequently, I was found moaning into the mist my pinings for penis. One could also find me chugging merlot and chanting my love for BRITISH SEX. Obviously, I have problems.

And I need a man. Help.

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