2002-12-10


The other night I arrived at a restaurant with a large group of gay men. Upon entering, two large groups of men conjectured we were gay and began to heckle us.

They made kissey noises, hooted derisively, and made other insulting, suggestive gestures. Me and my group of friends were so uncomfortable we got up and left. As we walked out the door they cheered.

In the public stall seared across the walls I read "Homocide All Homos", "Kill All Fags", and "Murder Queers".

My attitude towards homophobia is mixed. I don't take it personally, but it often frightens and frustrates me. My safety is at risk and I'm often kept from being myself.

For instance, I cannot engage in public displays of affection with men. I cannot hold hands, kiss, or anything. In the back of my head I always have to worry about my safety. I will always have to worry about homophobia.

Also, I cannot go on a date in a restuarant alone with a guy because I always have to worry about being unwelcome.

But despite the downfalls, I feel they put me at an advantage.

It's something truly incredible to be dehumanized, hated, and discriminated against. It's empowering. Makes you appreciate who you are, what others have gone through.

It makes you strong. It brings you closer to yourself.

It makes you grateful to be you.

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